To be Understood

December 7, 2012 - Leave a Response

Well, here it goes again. Its turning sour between me and my brother.So many times i just wish to be understood and not be made comparison. Most times, the person you love can hurt you in split seconds of the words he utters. I am not that significant compare to him in the family. Most probably is I love being with my friends that understands me more. I dont have the energy to fight on with misunderstandings and yet I cant voice it out either.

There are so many complications of having stuck in between friends and a dearly brother. I am closed to the broken hearted and often times I am misunderstood I am going to end up like them and the assumptions goes on and on. For me, brokeness brings fragility in a person and encouragement can combats it. I cant explain further of pepople personal’s problems to him because it is perfect secrecy.That’s what I’m made for or called for in my vocation. I enjoy serving broken people but the splurge of having not supported especially my brother and family got myself cornered into one side that only I can understand the sting. I am blanketting it deep down but I’m rather thankful my partner understands that part of me besides God. He listens and having him as a listener is enough already. Well, the sting is there and not easily removeable but all I want is to be understood by my brother especially….


Be still

November 10, 2009 - 3 Responses

Be still,

As I’m just near you,

Far it may seem,

Yet I the creator know ur deepest desire,

Lay down all your fear,

And I give you rest and hope….


Be still my child, be still,

I’ve seen your pain,

your every struggle,

I know them all,

My Love for you never change,

and know that I am your God

who makes the impossible into possible…..


A lil hope, a lil surprises...

tikusie on shalala

November 8, 2009 - 2 Responses

Greetings….why tikusie? haha….its because my prayer buddy(jane) and i we’re both born in the year of mice..She’s mousie and previously i name myself as mousie no.2……but mousie 1 says eun better be tikus…cuter that way than becoming no.2…it was so cute of her when she name me as tikus and i feel micey-eish…..i had a good laugh and i like it too of my new i plus -ie- becoming tikusie……Taadaaaaaaaaaaa……..haha…..and good thing is tikusie back on her shalala project and counting on the joys she had found:


me and my lil angel.....

  1. Convocated- This has never been in the picture to ever get convocated for the 2nd time in life……God is throwing me quite a surprise..and thank you I finally make it to the finish line of my Master degree…Many hurdles i face and thankful of the big day of my convocation, I have my family and mousie too watching me gettting my scroll on the stage from the cancellor……The moments itself is heartwarming and i’m grateful with so many prayers i get and helps along the way…be it mentally, morally, asgmts discussions, opinions, feedbacks on thesis, lending ears, concerns and love…..It all means so much to me….little as it is, yet not overlook…Gracias
  2. Quiet time – upon having a prayer partner, things change so much…..prayers become more significant and I love my quiet time with the Lord…..It’s my time where I tell HIM my everything. Sometimes i can go to an hour whereas before I find it hard to even sacrifice 10 min to pray…It has become my media of connection to feel the peacefullness, joy from within, pain and dissapointment i lodge them out too where i know God is close and HE hears my prayers..HE knows my greatest desires, hopes and fear….Its also moments like this, I wet my cheeks while praying and its from within the heart to heart talk..tears like this is not about sadness but it comes naturally gentle way of how God touch my heart with His great Love…HIS love never fails…
  3. Answered prayers – when prayers is answered, the heart leaps for joy…whenever this happens, I feel the heaven also cheerings…..lately, prayers been answered in which some is way to fast been answered till i’m puzzled with its instantness. Mousie and I knows it well and things been going so great with mousie and every little things I am….thankful of HIS plans…..Although I still have major pending prayers unanswered, i know God has His own timing… times, I’m also weak when some prayers left pending or KIV so long, I lost my patience..but I thank God who provide my booster to karate the negative thoughts away…….there i pick up myself again…..smiling and I wanted to live on vocation of love again…
  4. Little little things in life- I can feel wildly enthusiactic with little little things in life….I love smilling and greeting people.I play with leaves and i run against the wind. I love humming songs…..there’s a particular scene where I  I helped to hold the door open as I know there’s an  passerby behind me…Then, he say thank you when he walk pass the door….that simple thank you cheers me……Also, i like to give sincere compliments and thanks when i approach bills payings, being served in restaurant, a lift of things i drop, people’s dressing, knowlege/infos  i get, learnings in everday life and helps of un-sakai me from things i dont know…lol.. I feel happy with these frankly..
  5. I got a job- my employment gonna start next year january as an English teacher……feeling quite excited with it and I pray it’s gona be fun….life as a educater, i’ll give a try..its gonna be  my first job after officially graduate from my tertiary edu.                                                                                                                                                                               
  6. Bird chirpping- every morning i can hear the birds chirping.and i’m so in love with it……i like to hear those birds chirpings and sings in the morning although their singing is without words that i can understand.This is the time, i find myself connect with the nature…take time to see beauty in, grass, trees, bugs,mushroom, algae, and all the nature is created for good….and even a mosquito i can find them cute it their own way…….perhaps a weirdo I am but i love the creations of our marvelous Creator…i can go taadaaaaa-ing a lot or syiok sendiri in my own me time enjoying nature…hahahahhaaa….but i’m not crack la….just me the tikusie….hahahhhahaa
  7. cruzing with guitar…..lately, i love guitar……I practise songs that i like but i think others may find me boring cause i’m with the same song always….a beginner I am..but finding the fun of cruzing guitar is exciting and i know my tips of my fingers (epidermis) is thickening..haha….music is always so fun to be with when i go lalalala-ing…..and thankful of having a guitar to play which belongs to my dude bro-daniel…and its simply nourishing my soul…ermmm dear Lord, can i have my significant other a guitarist to be? hahahhaaaaaaa…..this is among my wishes till today….
  8. dancing- this is something very new to me……my mom has a colleagues who loves dancing. Irene is her name. She’s also a good friend to be with;a decent girl with a good heart. she invited me 2 join her dancing…and I begin to love it…this calss is call cardio dance…it makes me sweat a lot and i like it…its upbeat and not like yoga…..if yoga, i could fall asleep in there…hehehhee…..i just feel great after sweating from the dancing class….can actually feel whole body cells is breathing……wooohooooooooo
  9. family of love- great time 2 be with family.i find myself very blessed indeed. having breakfast with them and sharing stories and jokes makes the moments unfoegetable..just a simple meal with them…..i feel loved and loving the companionship….i guess this is what family are for…..the togetherness and nurturing each other to grow in goodness and love for one another….sometime its not been said, but its felt…..
  10. New house almost ready- new house is saying hello……..this is a house we look forward for 13 years ago……things happen in between that we have my current house….although small but full of love…….new house is slightly bigger a bit from current house but i know it will always be a home of Love, Hope and peace…….Home sweet Home……..

i play with my american breakfast....hehehe

Moments of what’s inside

September 24, 2009 - Leave a Response

Long have I lost touch with my blog and here I am today…feeling a lil dizzy as I have some fever suddenly….but feeling of  pouring out the sinking heart that has to say….I was out for a mini gatherin with my f6 classmates at Halo Cafe consisting of 6 ladies in their mid twenties………I feel rather casual at first but after listening to the songs played…….Aftermath, I feel my heart goes heavier and heavier…..The next moment I know I’m in emotional mode but blanketting it wif my exuberant face that seems eun is feeling pleasant…..

Yeah, a succeeder I am to hide the emo-ness and half-heartedly joining the next half conversations n jokes….I even have my friend dedicated a song for me…2 mandarin songs :

  • dui the ren; the correct person
  • chong lai; start anew
purity in heart just like the white petals....beautiful

purity in heart just like the white petals....beautiful

The songs is well played by the guitarist and he has good voice too…….very very soothing and I marvel at his talents…sitted relaxly wif my back backing the guitarist, I am in full gear of concentration listening to the songs dedicated…..I feel it is speaking…….but also sheer of lonliness plurge in reminding me with my single boat while others have their love boat to ride on…..So much I hope to have encounter just one true loving soul to render aid for me as a lady in waiting which I personally feel its been too long of the wait……Pls Lord, make all this waiting payoff and sincerely I ask for my case to be seen as EMERGENCY case…..Put me with tears of joy…

While the gatherin on its run,I do feel blessed and thankful of the friends I have and the song they dedicate to me although it stirs my emotions tonight……God’s finger can touch nothing but to mould it into loveliness….I confidently felt God is unveiling my eyes  and I know I’m sensitive enough to the invisible message. Imprinted in me, I feel all my friends tonight are very beautiful and just so beautiful in their own way……Just so beautiful and I just cant seem to know how to describe it…..I am overwhelm frankly….and Thank you for the gift of friend…

* to my  prayer partner, I know we have many similarities of what we are going through…….I pray there will be moments of love joy and peace & umbrella maybe..hehe…thanks you for ur ears pal and many hugs in return……

when you say nothing at all....but I feel ur presence.....

when you say nothing at all....but I feel ur presence.....

the path of so many……

August 3, 2009 - One Response
a path of the unknown spliting ends

a path of the unknown spliting ends


I have yet to feel freedom from the life of a student for completing my Master degree…Contrastly, I feel I cant swap my wings to fly….I feel to heavy to fly or is it I have forgotten how to fly? The dillema of another door in life which i’m about to open-the door of carreer path seems foggy….I’ve always feel excited about it before  this…but it turns out different from what I expect..when things started to get tangled up in which I am wrongly misroscope viewed by my own family members especially my sibling…It  feels so hurt inside but I choose to be quiet as I feel weak to explain the whole thing…..At such point, I shouldnt collapse but wait and see….I shall walk on my life with integrity and courage……

My Good Lord, never have I feel so beckoned with betrayal feelings and all I require is just simple understanding from my beloved family.Lately, it feels the bonding of the family is weaken but I’m fighting it through to put a fix to it……give me time…There will be the time of contributions which I so much wana give and repay back for all the love I receive……Yes, for now I’m insignificant as the dillemma strikes…..but I aint giving up my dreams….In faith I ask God for Strength to move on with positivity and Hope will very be the accurate word that every hurting heart understands…the word Hope itself remain quite a clue to me….so much I wana crack it quick….

As for now, I have a mission on hand:

Ask how can I help and what I can contribute, instead of how much more I can have.Time to look out of windows instead of starring mirrors…..Thank You for the gift of life…as for the new door sought to open, I ask to be shield with God’s love in moments like these (midst of letdown)..human words cant pierce me through but it gives me the reason to grow anew and pass the love to others…..

Much love to my beloved family and friends, still you are all my treasures above all and I thank the Lord for all of you…



A People Set Apart

July 18, 2009 - 2 Responses
the calmness is where the rediscovering begins
the calmness is where the rediscovering begins


What does this picture above gives you? I’ve always like this picture a lot….Perhaps sheer of loneliness is felt and no offence I felt it too…Apart from that, its is through the moments of silentless where i rediscover myself and learning to see more deeply of a quote state by my prayer buddy that gooes “ Less of Me, More on You”

Its amazing when only through the silentness and lone hours, many things can be reflect of….Reflect on current life, time with God, my friends and family and yearning for sparks of miracles in love life that my author of love will provide me with.In moments like this, i often triggered by feelings of love…Love here does not necessaily means couple love…love can be of so wide the scope and it is only through love that broken hearted can be healed, reconnect the broken pieces, and many gems of truth hidden that i’m so excited to know them because love alone made the world wonderful….

Its through moments like this also I lessen my complaints of why am I being putted in KK ( a place that I hated so much to be at the first place) but now to my own amazement, i’m indeed falling in love with this place.I discover  also I’m  less of complaining God being unfair of not providing me with my mr right which i have start praying for one ever since i footed myself in this land of Borneo(5 years already)….I have so much fantasy about my love life but so far still pending…but I know I need to persevere in my prayers and I’m expecting miracles to happen….Let alone God do his wonders to familiarize me with HIS wonderful love into my heart, mind and soul..and so that I learn to love others first before myself..A people set aprt to live in accordance with reality, day in day out with more love and also tighly embrace under God’s unconditional love…

Love in covenant form is more than just a decision, but an act of the will. Its easy to fall in love but to labour in love needs all the effort and special care as it deals with people’s heart. True love seeks not its own pleasure, but rather the good of the love ones. I truly agree of a line that goes:

True love is willing to sacrifice; it is committed to walk through the most difficult circumstances unmoved and unwavering…..

That prove the marvels of what LOVE can do….Magnificent isn’t it? it sure does to me………….  🙂

Quater century dedication to Cynthia Camelia…

July 16, 2009 - Leave a Response

She is my greatest roomate ever,

also my buddy,

also my ‘cacing’ in my stomach,

also my lost and found friend,

my churchmates,

my ex choir members,

my uni-mates,

my poking mates,

my crazying mates,

my shopping & travelling mates,

my gek-ing mates,

my pouring mates,

my cuci mata-ing mates on guys(lol)….many more left unmentioned indeed…

Dearest Cynthia my best friend and the most buddying mates ever, happy Birthday and now you have yet to encounter the quater century birthday…so fast times flies and this is a poem specially for you:

C ynthia is her name,

Y outhful as she is during our togetherness,

N othing can compare to this frienship that we have build,

T hough with different perception we are,

H appy and sad moments we share them together,

I n fact her existence is never a doubt to me,

A s a friend that I truly love and appreciate….


Happy bithday dear Ah thia….I pray that you be guided with wisdom to make choices in life and awareness to make changes that are in your best interest. Thank you Lord for the gift of cyn into my life as a friend of great understanding and of greater sharing  and giving of love…much love and you’re a marvel to me either…:)

though distance apart of this frienship, it's chapters remain close in heart and never fade

though distance apart of this frienship, it's chapters remain close in heart and never fade

You are my beautiful surprise

July 15, 2009 - Leave a Response

Songs are the medium of connections,

To a heart running free,

Knowing not how and when,

Emotionally charged  with a particular theme song,

As if the sunny day came just for me out of the blue….


Fluid motion in the seasons of love,

Stunned by strange realization,

An audible voice long to sing of a song,

So called when did u fall in love with me….

Beautifully surprised with glimmering eyes,

You are my beautiful surprise….

breathtaking of the songs played on a guitar...

breathtaking of the songs played on a guitar...

Dedication to my prayer buddy very much loved

July 14, 2009 - Leave a Response

She is just so special…I do not know how to start, neither did i know where to jump in my endless lines of appreciation after having to read ur blog….Thank you…And so much I would like to return ur favour for the beautiful dedication…so here it is my dear prayer buddy…

Before,you have long existed in my msn list but it always seems to be idle on my side or even just for display purposes…Liltle did I knew of God magnificent caling having to meet u up during cny had made a great happening…It sparks so naturally of the clickness we share….More to discover when we started to update one another in faith, hope, emotions confusion and  pouring during the lousy days…Tremendously and to my amazement, having to hear from you is having to see the twin me in you….

As we venture on, we align ourself and feed ourself with more and more chapter of great discoveries about life and this special connection remain safely guarded through endless concern and communication. Thank you Lord for my beloved prayer buddy and this gift of yours simply leaving me a marvel greatly treasured by me….

Special as you are, the marvel of a great frienship and let the power of prayers works between us…It feels so right to have you supporting one another in times of happiness and pitfalls day…many indeed I learn from you and again I would like to say: You alone are a miracle to me..Thank you my dearest Jane….

The magnificent power of prayer buddy is as lovely as the best gift My Lord has provide me with

The magnificent power of prayer buddy is as lovely as the best gift My Lord has provide me with

Coffee/tea with an Attitude

July 2, 2009 - 3 Responses

Me when sitting in a coffee shop or restaurant…i like to observe my surroundings…I’m very observant person…I like to gaze and analyse the building texture and no offence my eyes will have busy time looking here and there. I like to read whatever wordings I can find..when I find motivating words, i’ll remembered them and next thing I do is to write them into my journal book at home or it will become my words of the day in my MSN…that’s why I title my blog as coffee/tea with an attitude…It has become my attitude to gaze things and often i find it very interesting and enjoying the ambience and living creatures that is unique on its own…..

my tea and my attitude

my tea and my attitude


At times, I’ll start to wander off into my own imaginations of the conversations bubbles of the people I watch.. Some demands for status, branded things, love, friendships, family, homosexuals, pet lovers, emo, nerds, business, etc….So many things people looking and searching…As for me, I like just a simple and contented life with my family and friends and also I;m looking foward to build a wonderful home for myself in future…Perhaps in my old days with my spouse, i can sit on our fav armchair…having my coffee/tea with an attitude of mine that never seems to fade….watching my own children and grandchildren grow and potraying their smiles….aahhhh…I have yet to be contented to have build a good home with tender, love and care…this will be my biggest dream ever…to have a happy blissfull family…. 🙂


Of course, observing fashion is also my favorite past time while i footed myself in a restaurant of coffee shop…. I like to indulge in fashion and I can track fashion error easily..It has also become my habit to help dressing up people….My mom and bro especially, love my picks of fashion for them…and I enjoy to have the chance to dress them nicely with compleasant look. It need not to be branded but of tidiness and fresh look..Where as for my dad, he’s super skinny-its quite to find him right clothes as my beloved dad giving quite a task for me…

Another attitude of mine in this significant place is to enjoy the music….when there’s music, it has yet to become my world…I love music and i sing along or hum the song. Quite sometime, I’ll twist the lyric around and sing of something differently and therecomes laughter after that…I like moments of indulging in music and there goes the vibes….this is where i relax and I’m real thankful of musics….they are just so special and rejuvenating…Simply exhilarating….yehaaaaaaaaaaa

coffee/tea-ing with an attitude

coffee/tea-ing with an attitude